Today

Today has been an extraordinary day, to say the least. It has been filled to the brim with friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers somehow knowing that I need their love. On this fourth anniversary of Jane leaving us. Most likely all of them were following a prompting by the spirit to send me a message.

Today, we had a special stake conference. Elder Neil L Anderson came to our building. I have been to general conference once and seen Elder Nelson from afar another time. But have never been this close to an apostle. For those reading who are not LDS, we believe that the church Jesus Christ organized while he was on the earth has been re-organized, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Just like Peter, James and John were apostles to Jesus Christ, we have apostles today with the same priesthood and authority that they did. It is a position we reverence. So it was a pretty big deal for everyone to see Elder Anderson today. In fact I joined a choir to ensure we got seats. (If you know me you are allowed to laugh really hard. No, I'm not a good singer.)

During Elder Anderson's talk I was completely overcome with emotion. It felt like he knew me and knew exactly what I needed to hear. He talked about his knowledge that there is life after death. He said it was beyond a belief, he had knowledge of a spirit world. He shared some stories of tragedies he has been involved in recently. Really, his whole talk seemed centered around tragedy.

During one of his experiences in France, President Monson who was with Elder Anderson, testified to some parents who lost a son, "I give you my love, and I promise you, if you will live worthily you will be with your son again someday." I basically lost it. Full-blown sobbing and trying to not make too much noise. On stage nonetheless. (Remember I was in the choir behind him. Cameras were on us as well because this was being broadcast to another building.) 

How did Elder Anderson know me?! How did he knew exactly what I needed to hear? The fact is, he doesn't know me or my story. But my Heavenly Father does. And the Holy Ghost does. Whether Elder Anderson listened to the spirit telling him what to say or whether I interpreted what he said to be exactly for me I do not know. But in either situation the Spirit knew me and comforted me in a way only it can. I am SO thankful for the comforting witnesses I receive from the Holy Ghost.

Elder Anderson's talk was long but there was one other thing that stood out to me the most. He posed the same question I have been running through my mind so much lately. This life is not fair....Why are some saved from death and some not? 

He shared an allegory of two farmers. Both farmers worked hard, but one chose not to work on Sunday, to observe the Sabbath. Come October, the man who worked on Sunday had a better crop and ridiculed the other farmer. "You should have worked on Sunday and you could have had a better crop too." But the man said, "The Lord doesn't balance His books in October." 

That is the answer I needed to hear! My book will be balanced. It won't be today, tomorrow or probably this year. But our lives on earth are just a speck compared to eternity. My book will be balanced and I will have my daughter back. All will be made right and fair.

But I am so grateful that in the meantime, He sends his earthly angels to my side. After conference was over I checked my phone to see a text from our Bishop's wife and someone I have grown to love and respect. 

"Heavenly Father loves you and Bryan so much.  Today is just for you, I'm sure :)" My sweet friend felt it too, she knew that this message was exactly what I needed. After we were home I had four other messages. Another friend who mentioned seeing me behind Elder Anderson because she was at the building where it was broadcast and for her it was not a coincidence that I was over his shoulder. She felt the same inspiration that I needed this and she did too. An acquaintance sent me a similar note. A cousin who shared a powerful and moving testimony with me and another dear friend who was checking on me. All of these people who felt pushed by the Holy Ghost to reach out and make this anniversary a little easier. Even if only one of them actually knew today was an anniversary, they listened and blessed my life.

I am so grateful for the Holy Ghost and his far reaching ability. The spirit I felt was so deeply personal, yet others felt it in their own very personal ways too. What a blessing.