My GIRL

I don't think it's any secret I like girly things. I like shoes, dresses, bows and braids. I legit own an adult sized Cinderella costume (long story). The day I found out I was having a girl I went straight to Baby Gap and bought a dress. And then matching shoes. And made a bow. I love girly things. 

The hardest reminders for me that my only GIRL is gone are the ridiculously adorable girl sections in every store. The darling bows, shoes and ruffles . I have to take the long way around Target and Old Navy to avoid the girl clothes sections. I want so so badly to dress up my baby girl, braid her hair and put a bow in that it physically hurts my heart just thinking about it. 

I realize these are vain and unimportant things, but they are what I miss about my Janey. 

I am so so blessed to still be able to kiss owies, sing songs to, read books with and snuggle my other children. And I cannot imagine my life without my 3 little boys and I love them fiercely. But amidst all the sword fights, poop jokes and wrestling- I wish their diva-princess, sweet and sassy little sister was around to pink things up a bit. 

Some days I want to spoil my nieces with dresses, bows and baby dolls. And sometimes (most times) the thought of my friends and family having their daughters and I don't have mine is too much and it makes me jealous and angry. Movies like the new Cinderella, Frozen and Sophia the First are cruel reminders of what I'm missing out on. I want MY GIRL! 

Almost two years later and I still grieve the unbought dresses and princess toys. I am still the mom who buried her only girl.