As I have been reflecting about this Christmas season and the new meaning it has to me because of the death of Jane, something that I have thought a lot about is my perception and connection with Mary.
We watched a film called “The Nativity.” It’s one my family has watched every year for a few years. It shows Mary as what she was; a virtuous, young, faithful yet sometimes scared girl. I related to her, I wanted so badly to think I am somewhat like her. I wish I could be like her. We both lost a child, but the depth of her sacrifice is so much larger than mine.
When the shepherds came, she said He was for all mankind, which He was. From the moment of His birth, Mary had to share with him all mankind. I was very fortunate to have Jane all to myself. After all, she really only wanted me. Mary had to watch her son be accused and tormented by all around Him. All of this while knowing that He was the Son of God. She had to let Him go. She had to watch him die in the most painful and horrific way. I had to let Jane go, but she went peacefully and without much (if any, that we are aware of) pain.
I know I have said this before, but I feel this connection to women who have lost children. It’s like some painful club, and only those in it know the pain but we can all relate to each other. As I have been pondering about Mary I have thought of her being in that club. And if this club had a mentor to everyone, it would be her. Sometimes I feel honored to be Jane’s mom. She is destined to be an heiress in the celestial kingdom with God. She is one of the most valiant and righteous spirits. I feel honored to be chosen to be her mom , or maybe I volunteered in the pre-earth life. Either way, I don’t feel up to the task and I certainly don’t feel like an ‘honorable’ person worthy of being such a pure spirits mother. But I can try to be.
Then there is Mary. She was so pure, so holy, so faithful and so righteous she was given the honor of being Jesus Christ’s mother. The woman who would provide him a physical body. A body to the only perfect person ever on this earth and our Savior. I can’t even imagine the depth of her glory and righteousness to be chosen for that.So in my difficult moments, I will try to remember Mary. I will try to remember her sacrifice and let her example buoy me up.