2013

I have seen a lot of people summing up 2013 in a Facebook status or Instagram post. It got me thinking about 2013.

- In March, Bryan went through "the match" into residency. Really only those who have gone through it know the stress.
- In May, Bryan graduated from medical school
- We moved away from Vermont. People who know me know that Vermont is heaven on earth to me. And my friends there are family. It was a heart wrenching move.
- In June, Bryan started residency. It was a tough time for all of us. Extremely long hours, the weight of life and death on Bryan's shoulders was a difficult adjustment for him. The kids went 3-4 day stretches without ever seeing him.
- I sank into a depression and re-started Zoloft in September.
- And of course the passing of our baby girl, Jane.

I know I'm a pretty "woe is me" type of person. I've never liked that about myself but in this instance, it is what it is. I've had a pretty hard year. Like, really hard.

But I'm still here. I curled my hair today. I made it to therapy this morning. I snuggled Bryan and cried while watching the ball drop (and turned the channel when Miley Cyrus performed.) I cleaned the house slightly and made scrambled eggs for dinner (at least we ate).

I realized something pretty simple, but life changing while reflecting on this year. I can do hard things. 

How in the world have I survived this year?
Philippians 4:14 "I can do all things in Christ who strengtheneth me."
That is the only way I have been able to survive. The comfort of the gospel truths. And the power of the atonement that brings peace in only a way Jesus Christ can provide.

This quote from Orson F. Whitney has brought some eternal perspective to me;
"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

If I can "endure this well" I will be more like my Father and Mother in heaven. As hard as this pain is, that is a pretty amazing promise.